Grey’s Anatomy fans were left upset and dumbfounded on April 23rd, when it was revealed that the character of Dr. Derek Shepherd would never return to the show. Actor Patrick Dempsey, who played the hugely popular Shepherd, recently talked about his characters shocking departure from the storyline.

Dempsey said that Shepherd’s death “just sort of evolved and happened,” and although it was pretty surprising – it just “naturally came to be.”

The 49-year-old actor said that Derek’s death didn’t really hit him hard because he was in the midst of it, and didn’t have the chance to process it at the time.

He also said that he hasn’t fully wrapped his head around leaving his costars: “I’m still processing it. This is part of the mourning process, the post-Grey’s experience.”

The storyline of Derek’s death was a real roller coaster, with the character first saving four people from a deadly car accident before getting his own vehicle hit by a truck. The filming of the scene spread out “over almost three weeks,” both in a studio and on location.

As it usually goes with long-running shows, there’s a void that can’t ever be filled when a beloved character leaves, in one way or another: “I think any time an original cast member has left, there’s always a void that will never be filled. But it goes on, and it will evolve.”

Grey’s Anatomy has been going strong for 10 years, and in that time, Shepherd gained a lot of friends and a lot of public attention. He had the biggest connection with his on-screen wife, Ellen Pompeo, who played the show’s protagonist, Meredith Grey. Dempsey tearfully revealed that they were truly like a married couple: “It was magic. It’s beautiful. It’s 10 years, and it was magic from the beginning. Chemistry right away.”